remembering you

Dear Mom,

Yesterday was Mother’s Day, coming around like it does every May, and with it the not so gentle reminder that its been 16 years since you’ve been gone.

I miss you.

I wonder what things would be like, if you were still here.  I wonder what our relationship would be, now that I’m an adult.  I wonder how you would have continued to grow as a person, what new things you would try, what would surprise you, what would make you smile.   I try to imagine what it would be like to be your friend.  I try to imagine the advice you might give, or the jokes you might tell, or what sharing a morning coffee might be like.  Its been SO long, but it never goes away, and never seems to affect me less as the years go by.

I wish I could have been a better daughter, and wish there hadn’t been so. many. things. left unsaid.

I worry someday that I won’t be able to remember your face, or the way you smell, or the little quirks you had.  Until I look in the mirror.


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