Dear Mom,

Yesterday was Mother’s Day, coming around like it does every May, and with it the not so gentle reminder that its been 16 years since you’ve been gone.

I miss you.

I wonder what things would be like, if you were still here.  I wonder what our relationship would be, now that I’m an adult.  I wonder how you would have continued to grow as a person, what new things you would try, what would surprise you, what would make you smile.   I try to imagine what it would be like to be your friend.  I try to imagine the advice you might give, or the jokes you might tell, or what sharing a morning coffee might be like.  Its been SO long, but it never goes away, and never seems to affect me less as the years go by.

I wish I could have been a better daughter, and wish there hadn’t been so. many. things. left unsaid.

I worry someday that I won’t be able to remember your face, or the way you smell, or the little quirks you had.  Until I look in the mirror.

love,
C.